• Me: I'd like a Coke.
  • Waiter: is Pepsi okay?
  • Me: yeah, she's fine. the surgery went well and she's looking at a full recovery.
  • Waiter: fantastic. I can't wait to see you two drop by here again. she's a nice gal even though she's got an odd name. I'll bring your Coke around in just a moment.

skywlker:

skywlker:

when your best friend starts talking about his new empire

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when your best friend betrays the jedi order

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verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

slayerdeans:

my-obstreperous-thoughts:

slayerdeans:

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are you fucking joking

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did you even

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watch

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the fucking

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video

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Having one black person in the “normal” and “not ratchet” parts of the music video isn’t enough so please stfu thanks

  • there…

fuckyeahitspcola:

MY ANACONDA DON’T!

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MY ANACONDA DON’T!

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MY ANACONDA DON’T WANT NUN UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN!

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wendycorduroy:

luckykk:

mocking the cutscene right before a level where you keep dying because you’ve heard it so many times

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hot-potato-cold-bazooka:

hot-potato-cold-bazooka:

So I’m moving into a new apartment, and I was told that the room had been damaged, but nothing could have prepared me for the fact that someone had carved Li Shang’s head out of the bathroom door and written “We must defeat the Huns!” on it.

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(Source: childpuncher)

(Source: childpuncher)

Dascha Polanco attends the 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards held at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on August 25, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.

(Source: lizgillies)